Is it sick that I find joy in the fact that my happiness is pissing people off? I admit that, in general, I don’t particularly care what other people think. I’m often called a bitch because I am not easily swayed by other people’s opinions and thoughts. I’m not a “yes-man” (or in my case woman) and people don’t like that.
Let me back up a bit. I am a very loyal, extremely compassionate, I’ll-do-anything-for-the-people-I-care-about type of person. Even when people commit unspeakable acts of unkindness towards me, I could never stand to see them suffer or hurting. I have this insatiable need to fix things, save people, take care of people, no matter what the cost to me personally. I am always giving, and giving some more and giving still more even when I have nothing left to give. That being said I am also a very strong woman. I don’t take shit from anyone, never back down and I’m very (openly) opinionated. I’ll give you the shirt off my back if you needed it, but I’m far from a push over.
So, why then, do people feel it’s OK to give me shit about taking time for myself and doing something that makes me happy?
This past weekend, my younger sister came for a somewhat unexpected visit. She lives out of state and we don’t see each other all that often. She invited herself to stay at my house, which is fine, but I did let her know that I had plans. “That’s fine, I can entertain myself, plus I have people to visit while I’m there,” was her response. Perfect!
I put most of my Saturday on hold for her, waiting for her to arrive. She told me she would head my way early Saturday morning and should be here by early afternoon. OK. So, I got up, cleaned my house, edited a few articles and got some other work-related stuff done. at nearly 1:30 pm, my sister text me to let me know she was just leaving. WHAT?! OK, fine, I’ll go grocery shopping then and run a couple errands. I got home around 5:30 and she STILL hadn’t arrived yet. WTF?! I tried to call her and text her, but her husband, who was at home, had her phone. She KNEW I had plans that night and yet she was selfishly taking her sweet ass time. She showed up at my house around 6 while I was getting ready for my date with Mr. Sports Fan. After she said hi and I asked her what took so long her only response was, “So, what’s for dinner?” Are you fuckin serious? I handed her take out menus and let her know she was welcome to cook anything she wanted as long as she cleaned up, but I am going out, as planned, at 7. She rolled her eyes and gave me her passive-aggressive attitude. Whatever, bitch, whatever…
Mr. Sports Fan called to let me know he was leaving work and on his way. We talked for a few minutes and he asked, “Did your sister get there?” “Yup” “OK, I’m coming in when I get there in a few minutes.” “Umm… but, my sister and nephew are here.” “Ya, so. What, are you gonna hide them somewhere or something?” (and he chuckled) “No, but, umm… ” “Yes, I’m coming in to meet her, OK?” “OOOOK. See you in a few.” and we hung up. About 3 minutes later, he walked in, kissed me hello, and then I introduced him to my sister and nephew. He tried to engage my nephew (who is 12) in conversation, but my nephew is quiet and not very social. He sat and talked with my sister, or tried to, for about 45 minutes, but she was not very receptive and gave him an attitude. Sensing the awkwardness in the room (maybe it was just me, maybe not), I reminded Mr. Sports Fan that we had a movie to get to and we planned to eat first. We said our goodbyes and left. As we walked to his car he asked, “WOW so is she really just tired or is she bitchy to everyone?” I laughed because honestly, she really is just bitchy to everyone. She has been her entire life!
Mr. Sports Fan and I went about our night– we went to dinner at a local Italian restaurant and then went to the movies. After the movie he came back to my house, as planned. Besides, he spends every weekend at my house (sometimes the entire weekend) and I’m not going to stop living my life just because family invited themselves to my house for 5 days! Fuck that!
When we walked in, the house was dark. My nephew was asleep in the guest room, my sister on the couch with the TV on. Mr. Sports Fan and I tried to be quiet as we made a snack in the kitchen (heated up our left overs), chatted quietly (barely above a whisper) and then headed upstairs to my room.
The next day, Sunday, my sister went about her business and I went about mine. We didn’t see each other all day. When I came home from a birthday party (which consisted of the Pats game at a local sports bar), my sister was at my house and pissy as ever. She went to the store and I asked her to make sure she left room in my 2 car drive way for Mr Sports Fan later. “Ugh! HE’S coming back???” she replied in her naturally snotty tone. “Yes, once he is done with work he’ll be over.” I informed her as we walked inside the house. “Well, I’ll just hide myself in the other room and close the door I guess.” I ignored her comment. “I didn’t get any sleep at all last night. I’m going to take sleeping pills tonight.” Again, I ignored her… for a few minutes. She started huffing and puffing and sulking. She’s done this since we were children. I find it immature and annoying as fuck! “Did we wake you up last night?” I asked her, already knowing the answer to my question. “Uh YA! Having sex all night!” I laughed!!
Now, I will admit, with the right person and when things are done right, I am extremely loud during sex. But I did everything possible to muffle any … um… noise… because I knew she was asleep right downstairs. “I could hear you guys playing around, talking, moving and having sex all night and morning!” (Well we WERE screwing, joking, laughing, playing and talking until 5 am hehehe) “And I know he’s your boyfriend (um, no he’s not, I don’t do labels), but I don’t like him. I think he’s an ass. All he does is talk and ask questions.” (queue jealousy over the fact I was getting laid and she won’t fuck her husband because she’s too tired all the time). I told her he’s not an ass, he was trying to have a conversation with her and my nephew and neither one of them would engage no matter what he asked. “Ya well I don’t like him. How can you stand him? You guys were acting like kids all night… loud and obnoxious!!” (queue jealousy over the fact that I’m happy!). Before I could respond, she walked over to her suitcase in the corner of my living room floor and said, I guess I better hide my stuff since he said he’s from (city) and likes to steal things!” OK that was it, now she was being super cunt! ‘Oh My fuckin God, seriously?! That was a fuckin joke!” I said to her, shaking my head. “Ya well whatever, it’s not my problem if that’s what you wanna deal with, ” she snottily replied “You really need to lighten the fuck up,” I retorted, chuckling and still shaking my head.
She took her sleeping pills and I made her a martini hoping it would knock her the fuck out before I did!
Mr. Sports Fan came over, as planned, and we went to grab a quick bite to eat. As we ate, we chatted, and I told him about the things my sister said. “Can I say something?” he asked. Of course you can, I thought. “What is it?” “Take this for what it’s worth, but I’ve noticed something about the people in your life. They take advantage of you and they don’t seem to want to see you happy and enjoying yourself unless it directly involves them or benefits them.” He’s right, for the most part. Nodding in agreement, I continued to listen to his opinion based on observing my life over the past 6 weeks. ” You give and give and are way too nice and you do everything for everyone around you, even when it’s not a good choice for you personally. Even when it is bad for your health. And everyone gets pissy when you take time to do something that makes you happy. You’re way too nice about it too. You just turn your cheek and keep on helping them and doing for them. I’d tell them to go fuck themselves. You’re an amazing person and everyone takes advantage of that by piling more of their own shit on top of you and then getting pissed when you take a step back to do something fun.” I couldn’t argue with him, he was dead on balls accurate, for the most part.
I’ve spent my entire life, even as a child, being responsible and taking care of other people. Always doing what was expected of me, always sacrificing my own needs and wants for the happiness of others. Once I got divorced and took a step back to examine my life, I realized that I needed to stop caring SO much about everyone else and start caring more about myself. I realized it wasn’t selfish to do things for myself, things that rejuvenated me mentally, physically, emotionally. Or things that were just plain fuckin fun! This is how I’ve been living for the past few years, with this new outlook of “my happiness is just as important.” I know, now, that this doesn’t make me selfish, it makes me healthy. No one, not even Mother Teresa, can keep giving and giving so much to everyone else without taking time to replenish themselves. Nobody can. Nobody! Now, as long as the things I am personally responsible for are taken care of, I do not feel guilty about taking time for myself and I don’t allow anyone to make me feel guilty either. (And trust me, people try ALL THE TIME!!)
Mr. Sports Fan and I went back to my house after eating and chatting and very quietly went upstairs to my room. My sister was no where in sight. Mr Sports Fan went to take a quick shower. My sister went to use the bathroom, must have heard the water running, went back to the guest room and slammed the door. Fuck you bitch! This is my house!
Mr. Sports Fan came back upstairs to find me laying in bed in sexy undies, fishnets and stilettos. We had sex for hours and I was NOT quiet, but I fell asleep happy.
This is my house. If you don’t like it, you can leave and go to the nearest Econo Lodge. I’ll let you borrow my phone to call ahead because I’m a nice person.