What to Expect When Dating an Independent Woman

dating an independent woman

Complicated. Intimidating. Fierce. Cautious.  These are just some of (the nice) words used to describe independent women. But if you are dating an independent woman, I’m sure she is someone who is also ambitious, strong, empowered, inspiring and free. Dating an independent woman can be exciting and scary at the same time…or, so I’m told from the men whom I’ve dated!

When you’ve been living on your own as long as I have (since I was 16), it’s really hard to let go of any control independence, even if it is a little, tiny piece. I like doing my own thing. I like having my own life,dating an independent woman my own interests, hobbies, friends, etc. I don’t mind sharing my time or my space, but I also desperately need my own time and space. I don’t always involve the person I’m dating in my day-to-day plans because I expect that person to also have a life of their own. Let me go about my day, doing what I need to do and then we can come together later, got it? I do what the hell I want, when the hell I want and I don’t ask permission from anyone.

Now, before you say, “Wow! No wonder you’re single. You’re a mean bitch!” let me explain.

I enjoy spending time with the person(s) I’m dating. If we are compatible then I enjoy it very much. If I’m in a relationship with someone, I will absolutely make time for that person in my life, without question. I don’t commit easily, but when I do commit I’m all in! That doesn’t mean that I have to lose myself in the process though. I have always taken care of myself and had my own life, my own goals and my own path in life. I welcome you (the person I’m dating) to come along for the ride, but you better strap on a jet pack or drink some friggen Red Bull because my life moves as fast as lightning and so do I!

There are pros and cons to dating an independent woman, and who better to tell you what those are than an independent woman?

Cons of Dating an Independent Woman

We’re not an easy bunch to deal with, I’ll be the first to admit it. It takes a guy with extreme patience, and extreme balls, to handle dating an independent woman.

  • You will be left out…sometimes! This isn’t a conscious choice—we’re just not used to including others in our decisions or plans, not at first anyway.
  • We need our space. This is more so in the beginning, but it’s true even years into a relationship. While years down the road we may not need as much space, we still require a fair amount of time away from the person we are dating/married to.
  • We don’t trust easily. This may or may not have anything to do with past events or relationships, but just understand it’s how we’re built. If we do trust you, cherish that gift and don’t blow it! If you fuck it up, we are unlikely to put our trust in your again.
  • We tend to be stubborn. We are so used to being in control of our entire life (for the most part) that we find it hard to let others be part of the planning and/or decision making process.
  • We’re very blunt. We don’t have the time or energy to waste on bullshit. We call it like we see it, don’t beat around the bush and are blatantly honest.
  • We don’t back down. All couples fight, but a strong woman will expect you to fight back and not just tuck your tail, say ‘Yes Dear’, and walk away. Screw that! We’re tough and we don’t back down, but we don’t want you to back down either. We want to know that you see us as an equal and that you respect us enough to argue back. Plus, with all of that passion…just think how hot the sex will  be (put that in the pros column!)!!
  • We won’t let you do things for us. Listen guys, we’re  not damsels in distress or princesses who need saving. We’re fucking queens, OK, we can handle this shit! We are so used to doing everything for ourselves, that even if we know you can do it better than we can, we will not ask for help and we will not accept help. Eventually, over time, as we learn to trust you we will ssslllooooooowly start to accept help. Remember, I said slowly.

dating an independent woman

Pros of Dating an Independent Woman

OK, so far dating an independent woman sounds about as fun as getting a root canal on your birthday, doesn’t it? But dating a woman like this has an up side, I promise!


  • We’re passionate—not just about our goals, but yours as well. This passion extends beyond goals and ambitions into relationships, too. Once we let you inside and really open up, you’ll see the true depths of our passion, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond!
  • Our hunger for adventure will challenge and inspire you. We have a “live life or die trying” kind of attitude. Carpe Diem, YOLO, and all that shit. We tend to grab life by the balls and enjoy every minute of the ride.
  • When we love, we do it like we do everything else—fiercely! No holds bar. Passionate. Powerful.
  • We are unforgettable! I promise you this—whether you simply date her or you end up marrying her, being with a strong, independent woman will change your life in a way that you will never forget.

The most important thing to remember when dating such a fearsome creature is this—we don’t need you, we want you.  If you are someone who is strong, independent, ambitious and intelligent, wouldn’t it be nice to  know that the woman standing by your side matches those traits? I can guarantee that as much as we will drive you crazy and try your patience, you will also never be happier than you are when dating an independent woman. We live life to the fullest, always striving to make the best of it. We love deeply, live fully and you won’t find anyone more loyal or trustworthy. We are motivated and will also motivate you to be the best possible you. So, the next time you come across a strong, ambitious, independent woman, ask her out! If she accepts, strap on your seat belt, sir, and enjoy the ride!

I assure you, it will be the ride of your life!


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    • It makes absolute sense Doc! Needy people drive me insane! I’d much rather have my space and feel/be wanted rather than needed. Neediness is not an attractive quality, not to me anyway. There’s a line from a Ne-Yo song that I like, Miss Independent, that sings, “something about kinda woman who want you but don’t need you.” I love that line!

  1. Great post. There are some good tips in there. I’ve not had success dating independent women. Some people think a guy may come off as weak saying that, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I like a balance in everything that I do. Nothing can be too hot or too cold. If I can get that give-and-take then it’s all good. But if it’s all giving or all taking then I can’t deal. If I can’t be included in plans or if I’m forced into an argument that really may not even seem worth the time then I lose interest. I do like the fact that you say that over time things can change when she starts to trust the guy, but I guess I’m just impatient at 43 years old. LOL! Again, helpful guide though. At least now I can be armed with info.

    • Not every guy/personality can handle a strong, independent alpha personality. There’s nothing wrong with that. At least you know and you aren’t drawn to a type of person that you know it isn’t going to work out with. I have men who tell me all the time that they continuously go after the same type of woman: strong, independent, fiery…and then they are upset that they aren’t happy and it doesn’t work. I will tell you though, patience is a virtue and any woman isn’t going to fully let her guard down if you aren’t patient enough to wait for her to be ready to let you in.

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