Patti’s No Sex Before Monogamy Rule

no sex before monogamy

By now, everyone has at least heard of Patti Stanger and her show Millionaire Matchmaker. For those of you who have been in a coma or lost on a deserted island for years thus rendering you clueless about Patti the Matchmaker, here’s a clip:


I must confess that Mr. Sports Fan and I love this show, so much so that we DVR it; it’s a dirty little secret of ours. We love people watching and as much as we dislike most reality TV, this show fascinates us both.

So, why am I writing to tell you about a reality TV show that I like to watch?

no sex before monogamyIt’s not so much the show I want to talk about as it is one of Ms. Patti’s rules for her matchmaking club—no sex before monogamy. This rule has pretty much become one of the slogans for her show, and as much as I enjoy kicking back on the couch in my underwear and vegging out to a marathon session of Matchmaker, I think Patti is out of her fucking mind when it comes to this rule!


No sex before monogamy? WTF?! So, let me get this straight—if I meet someone I like, I’m attracted to and want to continue dating, I can’t blow him, let him go down on me or fuck him (according to Patti’s rule)  until or unless we are in a monogamous relationship? Fuck that!

Because we all have warped views of what ‘monogamy’ really means, let’s look it up, shall we class?

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary Monogamy is (and no, I did not add the word archaic below):

  1. archaic :  the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
  2. :  the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
  3. :  the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time

Is Patti really that naive that she thinks 20, 30 and 40 something year old adults are going to wait until marriage to have sex with someone? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m marrying someone who I’ve never test driven! What if he’s impotent? What if  we’re not sexually compatible? What if he still can’t find the G-spot with a map and a fucking compass? Please, Patti, please tell me that this is not what you’re advocating!

This narrow-minded rule doesn’t leave room for sexual orientation at all, nor does it leave room for different types of relationships!  What about bisexuals? What about polyamorous couples? What about swingers? What about open-relationships? Patti could make the argument that these people aren’t in her club and that they aren’t looking for love or marriage, but again, that’s a very narrow-minded view of the real world.

Case in point: me! I am a bisexual female in a committed relationship with a man whom I had sex with on the first date and we’ve been happily together for almost 2 years. Oh, and we’re swingers!

My relationship defies all of Patti’s rules, but especially the no sex before monogamy rule. And you know what? So fucking what! I’m an adult and if I wanna fuck someone on the first date I will! If I wanna have a fucking gang bang on a first date, that’s my choice! There are no guarantees in life other than death and taxes. Having sex, or holding out, is not going to guarantee the success or failure of a relationship. The only determining factor in the success or failure of any dating venture is the two people involved. That’s it! That’s the secret folks! Fuck everyone and everything else, screw all of the advice and ridiculous game playing rules and do what makes you happy! Be adults for Christ’s sake! Make your own choices and live your own lives!

Sex is a huge part of an intimate relationship and the only two people who can decide when it’s right and when it’s wrong, are the two people whose naughty parts will be making nice with each other. If you wanna hold out for monogamy because that’s your thing, so be it. My thing will be over here getting fucked by someone else’s thing and having multiple orgasms while you wait it out for sex that may or may not be worth the wait.

Have fun with that.


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  1. Well, I think it’s not so “black and white” an issue to say this will work and that doesn’t. Everyone has to do what feels right for them and where they’re at. What’s important is to do whatever is good for you. You can’t generalize. Just because you don’t sleep with someone early doesn’t make them commit to you just as much as if you sleep early on doesn’t … so it comes down to your own beliefs and boundaries. Your lifestyle works for you, but it wouldn’t work for me, but that’s the beauty of life, everybody does what makes them happy and fulfilled. Good food for thought!

    • Exactly the point! 🙂 There can’t be this black and white rule of if you wait for monogamy to have sex then you’ll get the true love you want. Life isn’t black and white and you’re actions don’t control how another will behave. I’ve had guys I’ve waited with and guys I haven’t; neither method has been a predictor for the outcome. Thanks for chiming in!

  2. Its some how their thoughts which no body can change, if u fall on love then love by heart not by physical attraction. Physical attraction is more or less different which attracts each other by their soft thoughts and politeness but also if it covers with clothes and some of the words which touches their heart and loves by heart, that’s why we Indians love by heart not by physical attraction.

  3. HA! You are funny. I mean please – does she really still say that stupid shit and believe that people follow that rule. I barely know people what wait for the “third date” rule! This gave me a good laugh this AM! thanks

  4. Hi Boston,

    I hardly ever agree with Patti Stanger. Someone who promotes herself as a sensational ‘millionaire matchmaker’ has little credibility in my book – especially given that she has no professional credentials whatsoever to be doing what she does. However, on this one research does show that she’s correct: Just sayin’.

    Good for you for finding your groove as a bisexual swinger. And I’m glad it works for you. You’re the exception that proves the rule, I guess. 🙂

    • I appreciate your insight Doc, and thanks for the link, but all of the research in the world is not going to prove this one right for me! LOL Sorry, it’s just not realistic to say that your relationship will only work if you don’t have sex until you are monogamous.

    • HAHA Ms. Cheevious! Trust me, I was holding my tongue….errr… fingers on this one! I wanted to write more about the ridiculous rule than on her. I do think that someone who hasn’t found love herself shouldn’t be preaching to others with her set in stone rules on how to find it, but that’s a post for another day! Thanks for chiming in XO

  5. Don’t hold back, Boston…tell me how you really feel! LOL! I completely agree; Patti’s closed minded and narrow view of relationships is sad. Her attitude perpetuates slut-shaming and judgmental attitudes towards women in particular!

    • Oh absolutely! She thinks if it’s not done her way then it’s not right. Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t see a ring on your finger or a happily ever after for you Miss Patti. Where’s that? Oh wait! You’re dishing out advice on how to bag a spouse when you don’t have one yourself so maybe not fucking on the first or even 10th date without a monogamous commitment isn’t the answer…it’s simply being a prude!

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