By now, everyone has at least heard of Patti Stanger and her show Millionaire Matchmaker. For those of you who have been in a coma or lost on a deserted island for years thus rendering you clueless about Patti the Matchmaker, here’s a clip:
I must confess that Mr. Sports Fan and I love this show, so much so that we DVR it; it’s a dirty little secret of ours. We love people watching and as much as we dislike most reality TV, this show fascinates us both.
So, why am I writing to tell you about a reality TV show that I like to watch?
It’s not so much the show I want to talk about as it is one of Ms. Patti’s rules for her matchmaking club—no sex before monogamy. This rule has pretty much become one of the slogans for her show, and as much as I enjoy kicking back on the couch in my underwear and vegging out to a marathon session of Matchmaker, I think Patti is out of her fucking mind when it comes to this rule!
No sex before monogamy? WTF?! So, let me get this straight—if I meet someone I like, I’m attracted to and want to continue dating, I can’t blow him, let him go down on me or fuck him (according to Patti’s rule) until or unless we are in a monogamous relationship? Fuck that!
Because we all have warped views of what ‘monogamy’ really means, let’s look it up, shall we class?
According to Merriam-Webster dictionary Monogamy is (and no, I did not add the word archaic below):
- archaic : the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime
- : the state or custom of being married to one person at a time
- : the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time
Is Patti really that naive that she thinks 20, 30 and 40 something year old adults are going to wait until marriage to have sex with someone? Are you fucking kidding me? I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m marrying someone who I’ve never test driven! What if he’s impotent? What if we’re not sexually compatible? What if he still can’t find the G-spot with a map and a fucking compass? Please, Patti, please tell me that this is not what you’re advocating!
This narrow-minded rule doesn’t leave room for sexual orientation at all, nor does it leave room for different types of relationships! What about bisexuals? What about polyamorous couples? What about swingers? What about open-relationships? Patti could make the argument that these people aren’t in her club and that they aren’t looking for love or marriage, but again, that’s a very narrow-minded view of the real world.
Case in point: me! I am a bisexual female in a committed relationship with a man whom I had sex with on the first date and we’ve been happily together for almost 2 years. Oh, and we’re swingers!
My relationship defies all of Patti’s rules, but especially the no sex before monogamy rule. And you know what? So fucking what! I’m an adult and if I wanna fuck someone on the first date I will! If I wanna have a fucking gang bang on a first date, that’s my choice! There are no guarantees in life other than death and taxes. Having sex, or holding out, is not going to guarantee the success or failure of a relationship. The only determining factor in the success or failure of any dating venture is the two people involved. That’s it! That’s the secret folks! Fuck everyone and everything else, screw all of the advice and ridiculous game playing rules and do what makes you happy! Be adults for Christ’s sake! Make your own choices and live your own lives!
Sex is a huge part of an intimate relationship and the only two people who can decide when it’s right and when it’s wrong, are the two people whose naughty parts will be making nice with each other. If you wanna hold out for monogamy because that’s your thing, so be it. My thing will be over here getting fucked by someone else’s thing and having multiple orgasms while you wait it out for sex that may or may not be worth the wait.
Have fun with that.