Last Saturday night I met a guy friend for drinks at a favorite place of mine. We watched the Sox game, drank, chatted with the bartenders and told stories to each other. One of the stories I told was about the night that Jackass met my BFF and I at this very bar and introduced her to a Marine friend of his. He and I were trying to set our two friends up with each other. She likes marines and he likes pretty, sassy girls. Now, my BFF is 5’2″ of pure sarcasm and this marine was very straight faced and very into being a marine. As we are all talking, Mr. Marine decides he’s going to try and impress my friend by telling her how much he can lift and how often he works out (which she could care less about) and she looks at him, dead serious and says “So, you lift things up and put them down?” Everyone, but Mr. Marine, burst out laughing because there was this gym commercial that was on all the time that used that line.
By the time I get home Saturday night I was pretty buzzed. Being that it was the first Saturday night that I had been home all alone in a very long time, I was bored and lonely. I also had Jackass on the brain, but that was nothing new. This particular night though I just couldn’t turn my brain off. I had no distraction. It was just me. I had this overwhelming urge, as I often do when I’m alone, to text Jackass. The tiniest, rational part of my brain that wasn’t intoxicated was screaming at me to put the damn phone down, not to scroll through my contacts, don’t even think about pressing his name, don’t you dare type that text! Too late…I did it! I text him “hey” at 1:35 a.m. As soon as I sent it even the intoxicated part of my brain was screaming “what the hell are you thinking?!”
He immediately responded with “?”, to which I replied (why did I reply?) with “It’s… (my name)”. He acted like he had no idea… “who?” and this could have just as easily been my out but nope! I text him back “wow, how quickly you forget! lol”, “No, I remember you, just wanted to make sure” he says. I ask how his dog is (really?? This is why I text this man in the middle of the night? To inquire about the health of his dog?) He laughs and says “Good memory”, tells me she’s ok and then asks “what made you text me?” I explain where I was and about the story and how it made me think of him and I figured I’d say hi. His only response was “Lol” That was at 1:55 a.m Neither of us says anything else. Phew! OK further stupidity averted, right? Nope! My phone rings at 2:49 a.m. and wakes me up. I look at the screen. OMFG it’s him!! Good thing I’m half asleep and decide not to answer it. Perhaps I should make most of my important decisions when I’m half asleep!
I wake up Sunday morning with a slight hangover and a few pounds of regret. Then I see the missed call. Oh Shit! I have a voice mail! I dial in & listen to the message. It’s him! Fuck! I don’t return the phone call. shit! What can of worms did I just open?! My BFF breaks my train of “WTF’s” with her usual morning phone call. “Um, I did something REALLY stupid last night” I say to her. “What did you do?! Did you sleep with P?”, “No way! Even more stupid than that!”, “OMG Did you sleep with N” (meaning my ex-husband), “Fuck no! Ugh! EVEN Worse than THAT!”, “Please tell me you didn’t invite Jackass over last night and he’s lying next to you right now!” “Um nope, not quite right but getting warmer. I text him when I got in at like 1:30” “OH MY GOD! I’m going to smack you upside your head today! What were you thinking?!” I know, I know! I tell her word for word and she tells me to stop immediately and ignore him. This works for me!
Her and I meet for lunch at our favorite local hole in the wall and we prepare for our day trip adventure. I get a text…from Jackass! “You caught me off guard last night. Sorry. How are you doing? How is everything going?” Seriously??!! This guy completely blind sided me not once but TWICE just 3 months ago with no regard at all for how I felt and without ever looking back and now he wanted to know how I am? My best friend is yelling at me to put the phone away, ignore him, delete him immediately. I choose to ignore him…until we get in the car an hour later and I respond “Sorry about that. I’m doing good, you?” Yup, I’ve crossed the line from what I did one drunken night to utter insanity! I don’t hear anything back so I figure ok, he realized I drunk texted him. Wrong! An hour and a half later he texts me telling me he’s doing good, working a lot and that he was at a friend’s cookout when I text him and he was confused. I don’t reply. He sends a second text half an hour later telling me not to apologize because it was a pleasant surprise. What?! Huh?! OK now I’m confused! An hour later, when my BFF leaves me alone for 5 minutes (not a wise choice to leave me alone with my phone for any amount of time after the stupidity I have displayed), I reply to him “Pleasant surprise huh? lol Why’s that? Didn’t mean to confuse you, like I said, told the story, was at the same place & my head made the connection & thought of you” I wish my stupidity stopped there but it didn’t! Oh no I had to go on and tell him “I know we ended badly but I still think of you” and I sent another text telling him I was at the casino with BFF having a chocolate martini but not as good as the one I had at that bar on vacation with him. I had surpassed stupid at this point! Couldn’t even see stupid from where I was! He comes right back with “Oh wow! Nice! Have fun!” and 15 minutes later tells me “I think about you too!” Oh no!! “Ahhhh…it’s tough to explain why it was a pleasant surprise. It just was” he says. OK I’ve never been good at deciphering guy code. Does this mean you miss me? And if it does, I’m not sure how I feel about that. I respond very neutrally with a smiley face. He goes on to say that he hasn’t dated anyone since me. Why would he tell me this? “You haven’t dated anyone at all????” I ask. “Nope. Not at all. Haven’t had time” OK, so has he not moved on because he’s busy with work or because he’s still stuck on me. And why do I care what the answer to that is? “Why do you seem so surprised? Have you? he asks? Of course I have dated lots of guys over the past three months to try and help rid my heart and mind of the sheer memory of you! I choose to answer the first question and ignore the second. “IDK, maybe because you were so determined to let go of me. It’s been 3 months. Figured you’d move on” I say. He comes back with “Nope, juts because I stopped going with you doesn’t mean I was going to jump into another relationship after.” Well a relationship and going on dates are two different things. He’s confusing the shit out of me! Has he really not dated at all in the last 3 months, or just not had another relationship? I tell him that he was my last relationship but that I’ve been dating people. He responds “I hear ya…”
Monday evening, out of the blue, he texts me “Hey…saw that your grandmother is in a rehab on your wall. Sorry about that.” He’s refering to my facebook post to my family members updating them on my grandmother’s health condition. I thank him. Later that night while he’s at work we text back and forth for five hours which is almost his entire shift! We used to do that on a regular basis when we were dating. Honestly, it felt kind of nice to have that back. Then tonight I text him asking for hotel recommendations for a nearby beach that he frequents during the summer and that my BFF and I are thinking we might venture to this weekend. He gives me some suggestions, cracks a joke about being the King of this specific beach because he knows it so well and then tells me “it’s pretty nuts up there. Be careful.” I tell him “thanks for the warning lol” and he asks me if I want him to send me some links to hotels when he gets home from work tonight. Seriously? Why so nice? Why now? I say ” If you think of it, no big deal, thanks” He continues the conversation with me for about another half an hour. I just noticed I have a facebook message and it’s from him. He sent me a link to hotels. Wow!