How Do You Know?

how do you know

how do you know

I am dating a guy right now that, in my eyes, is absolutely perfect. Of course, it’s only been 3 weeks so perfection is in the eye of the beholder.  I’ll call him Mr. G-spot. He makes me feel like a teenager, which is saying a lot since I haven’t been a teenager in…. a while! He’s smart, tall, handsome, sexy as all hell, courteous, funny and he makes me melt. Just a phone call and I am on cloud nine with a huge smile on my face for the rest of the day. I know, so sweet I’m giving you a cavity. I get it, I’m even making myself nauseous. Honestly, I am not one of those starry eyed, ga-ga girls who doodles her boyfriend’s name in a heart on her notebook, but this man makes me feel like one of those girls.
Now, I know that  I have spent my entire adult life married, but isn’t this how you’re supposed to feel? I can’t get enough of him and he says he feels the same. We live an hour away from each other and he drove to my house tonight to pick me up (brownie points!) and take me out where ever I wanted to go because he has had a busy week and “just needed to see” me. We can’t keep our hands off each other, we have insane sexual chemistry, we have been completely comfortable with each other from the first date, we laugh and have a good time, but we can also talk about anything. We really, genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I know, I know, it’s still new and we are in that “honeymoon phase”,  but I really forgot how good this feels!

So, all of this giddy-ness has led me to this question– how do you know when it’s lust and when it’s love?

I’ve always gone into every relationship I’ve ever had head first. I would analyze every aspect of why we logically belonged together, without giving much credit or thought to  how I felt (or didn’t feel) and then I’d weight the pro’s and con’s of a relationship with that person.

While I do lust after Mr. G-spot, I think there is enough there between us to actually form a…GASP… relationship!(I know, I know, Ms. Serial Dater just used the “R” word.) Then again, I don’t trust my own judgement since I spent 15 years with someone that I thought I loved and thought he loved me, only to have that blow up in my face. Who am I to say what true love is and what it isn’t? Is there such a thing as fate? Destiny? Serendipity? For me the sheer fact that I am even considering pulling my online dating profiles and that I have stopped talking to all other guys is a HUGE step. I don’t even have the desire to go on a date with another guy!

To be quite honest, I can’t help from feeling like it’s so good that it’s too good to be true and I keep waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop. I hate that I’ve become so jaded and cynical. Is this what a bad marriage and being single in Boston has done to me? Is it possible that I wouldn’t recognize true love or romance if it bit me on the ass? In my attempt to stay realistic about life and love after divorce, have I built a wall that won’t allow me to truly let love back in even if it were huffing, puffing and pounding the door down? I’d like to believe that I still have a bit of hopeless romantic left in me, somewhere, deep down inside.

I’ve decided to heed my best friend’s advice and just enjoy whatever this is with Mr. G-spot and not be afraid of how it might end. I’m also going to try to stay out of my head and lead with my heart. This is certainly uncharted territory for this single Boston girl!

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