Dating is tiring and relationships can be excruciatingly exhausting when you are not with the right person. In the whirlwind cycle of dating and romance, breakups are inevitable. But, is there a right way to heal from a breakup?
Psychology Today says in order to heal from a breakup, one should grieve, talk it out with those who are supportive, practice self-care, and get back out there. While this process may work if you recently ended an otherwise “normal” relationship, it’s a bit more complicated if your recent partner is a narcissist or your relationship was toxic.
I recently posted an open letter to my narcissistic ex and a few weeks ago I received countless emails from him demanding that I take it down. Emails and texts professing his “love” for me one minute and then gaslighting me with “I can’t believe you did this to us”. Accusing me of cheating (funny coming from the one who was consistently unfaithful and disloyal), and basically saying I am being led by those around me in my decision to stick to my boundaries and not resume a relationship with him. Apparently, I am too stupid or too naive in his eyes to formulate my own thoughts and ideas unless he gives them to me. Who knew?! (Insert extreme eye roll here!)
How to Heal from a Breakup
While the process prescribed in the article by Psychology Today is absolutely helpful and necessary, we each have to find out own method of healing and moving on after a breakup.
What’s my process?
Lots of self-care, LOTS of therapy (especially with this most recent toxic breakup), and writing.
And, because I’m THAT bitch, and will no longer be told what to do, think, or feel by ANYONE, I am posting my final “moving on” healing letter to my ex (which I wrote months ago, just FYI). I know he’s reading. Everyone wave (::::::middle finger::::::::)
Don’t Tell Me How To Heal!
There’s really nothing left to say at this point. You’ve thrown away the BEST thing you’ve EVER had and will EVER have.
Laugh all you want, but let me refresh your memory–
I was the one who took your flirting, philandering, lying bullshit. I was the one who actually cared about you. I was the one who stuck with you for years even when everyone (including members of your own family) told me to leave. I was the one who loved you even when you gave me EVERY reason not to. I was the ONLY one who was there for you when no one else was. I hope you can sleep on that!
I’ve given you endless chances over the years. I’ve always been the one to concede and put us back together. You’ve toyed with me for the last year and I’ve tried everything– I’ve written, I’ve spoken, I’ve called, I’ve emailed, I’ve poured my heart out in countless ways, I’ve cried, I’ve written you a literal map to reconciliation and all I’ve received is more empty words, more bullshit lines, more gaslighting and abuse comments, and no action on your part. You profess your love for me in one breath and stab me in the heart with your next breath. It’s cruel and twisted and abusive.
I hope you miss me. I hope just the thought of what you lost–what you so willingly gave up over and over–makes you drop to the floor & feel like the breath is being sucked out of you. Because I kept fighting long after I should have stopped. I kept fighting up to the final minute & it meant nothing to you.
You will likely dismiss everything I’ve written here because that’s what you do. You’ll likely stick with your story of how you’re just a victim of “her man-hating ways” and you have no idea why I “threw you away.” But I hope someday the truth sets in–the truth of how I fought for us for years, cried because of you for years, put up with your lying, cheating, asshole self for YEARS and then, yes, when you completely broke me, I walked away.
I walked away from…
the false promises.
the head games.
the walking on eggshells.
the Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde moods.
the threats and name-calling.
the constant blame.
I hope hurting me & losing me haunts you for years.