We’ve all ended things with someone at least once by saying, “We can still be friends,” and maybe we really mean it. For the most part though, we’re all bullshitting when we say it.
What happens when, for whatever reason, you do remain friends with an ex? Are you really just friends with that person? Do you need a certain amount of time to pass before you stop wanting to fuck them and you really are just friends?
Personally, I think it’s possible to be friends with an ex, but only in certain situations. I have many ex’s who I’m still in contact with and no, not for booty calls. My rule is: was there an emotional attachment? If yes, then we can’t be friends. If the answer is no, things ended well and there’s no urge to rail them, then absolutely!
What happens though, if you are in a relationship and you have an ex (or worse- ex’s) lingering around? You can tell your significant other until you’re blue in the face that these people are ‘just friends’, but if the ex is calling and texting at all hours, sexting you, flirting, or in any way disrespecting the fact that you are dating someone else, then you have to choose between keeping the ex in your life or keeping your relationship with this new person.
If you refuse to make that choice and really believe you can have your cake and eat it too, I’m here to tell you it’s impossible! Why?
- You’re wasting your time with an ex rather than focusing on your current, or on finding someone new.
- If the ex is disrespectful of your new relationship/dating experiences, it can cause the new person to be jealous and end things between you two.
- If you’re hanging out with your past, how can you move on with your future?
- Physical attraction doesn’t just go away. Eventually you’ll end up screwing! Don’t lie to yourself by saying it won’t happen because eventually, it will!
Mr. Sports Fan and I both have ex’s who linger around and we are friends with; some of them are ancient history from high school or people with whom it was doomed from the start. We both also have ex’s that have the potential to cause friction between us and who refuse to go away. Rather than letting it cause drama in our relationship though, we choose to talk about it openly and honestly, and pay these people little to no attention. If you can’t do that and the ex takes priority over your current, you’re gonna be in deep shit! And single!
The key to staying friends with an ex is boundaries. If one of you of you hasn’t accepted that it’s over and moved on, then under no circumstances can you remain friends. You can’t keep a foot in your past and move towards a future at the same time.
And if you are the ex clinging to your past love interest, do yourself a favor and move the fuck on! Hanging around hoping that someday he/she realizes you were “the one’ and you end up back together is just Hollywood bullshit! Don’t disrespect your current by flirting with, texting, sexting, or meeting up with your ex if there are still unresolved feelings or issues there. Leave that shit in the past!
Get a clue, and a life of your own without the ex, and move on!
Just remember, an ex is an EXample of what you don’t need or want. Kick the clinging ex to the curb and start living in the present.