We’ve all experienced those horrible first dates that have you scanning the room for the nearest door. The kind where you are formulating your exit strategy before the waitstaff has even handed you the check. Then there are the dates you meet who look nothing (and I do mean nothing) like their dating profile picture. Or the date who talks so much you catch yourself falling asleep? Or the date who tells you that they have to be home early because the halfway house they live in has a curfew? (True Story!) Whatever the situation, we have all seen those red flags and heard our deal breakers siren screaming in our heads during a date. Here are some first date deal breakers you should run (screaming) from.
Their ex is calling, texting or is the topic of your first date convo
These sound like obvious deal breakers, especially on a first date, but for some reason some of us overlook them. If your dater is texting or talking about their ex during your date that is a sure-fire red flag that it isn’t over for one or both parties. Or that your date is someone who enjoys drama. Taking a phone call from the ex should set your “run away now” sirens off immediately! Unless they have a child together and there is a true 911 emergency, there is absolutely no reason for someone to accept a call from their ex during a date. Ever.
Talking About Your Future Together
OK, I am not going to shit on the “love at first sight” believers out there, but there is such a thing as too much, too soon. Talking about your own personal future goals is acceptable first date conversation. Talking about where you will vacation as a family and the names of your future children? Not so much! I had a guy tell me we were soul mates at the end of the first date. I have also had guys drop the “L” word (and no, not luxury cruise) after 3 weeks. Guy friends have told me stories of women who talk about sperm count and the best preschools to send their future children to. Slow down!
They are More Interested in Their Phone Than You
I love my phone. It sleeps on my nightstand next to my bed. I stroke it softly and apologize each time I drop it. I am just as addicted to social media as the next person, but I also have boundaries. There is a time and place for ignoring the world and immersing yourself in your social media bubble or super long text conversation with your best bud. Your first date—or any date for that matter— is not one of those times or places. If your date can’t put the phone down and focus on you for the hour or two it takes to enjoy your meal (or whatever the date activity happens to be) then how can you expect them to devote any time or energy into dating you or maintaining a relationship?
I get that sometimes we all could use a little liquid courage. Just keep in mind that this is a date and not a keg party! A cocktail or two is fine, especially if food is involved to help absorb the alcohol, but know your limits. According to recent dating surveys, 1 in 2 Americans considers drinking too much one of their dating deal breakers.
They Take ‘Casual Friday’ to a New Level
It’s no secret that the pajamafication of America is a huge pet peeve of mine. I have blogged about it and done radio shows about it. Not every date requires red carpet attire (well, I guess it depends on who you are dating), but there should be a certain level of appropriateness. If your date shows up at a nice restaurant in joggers and a band T-shirt from high school, they clearly think very little of you, your time or this date.
These are just a few of my top deal breakers and is by no means a complete list. I would love to hear what others consider red flags. What are your dating deal breakers? Tweet me or leave a comment below.