Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

don't ask don't tell

don't ask don't tell

In certain situations, the “don’t ask, don’t tell” rule of thumb is appropriate. After all, sometimes ignorance is bliss. When it comes to relationships however, should this school of thought rule your relationship?

I have always been a naturally curious person, perhaps it’s the writer in me. I always want to know more about everyone and everything around me.  As a child, family members would respond to my inquisitiveness with “are you writing a book or something?” Little did they know that many years later I would in fact be working on my memoirs, but that’s a whole different story. I suppose my enthusiastic need to know can sometimes be misconstrued as an interrogation so, I am careful as to the tone and words I choose as well as the number of questions when I’m interviewing..err…I mean getting to know a guy I’m dating.

What happens when the person on the other end of the questions isn’t as inquisitive, or doesn’t appear curious at all? Should the absence of get-to-know-you type questions be a red flag that he’s really not that into you? (Well he may be in to you physically, but is he really into you as a person?) Maybe he’s just the strong, silent type who would prefer to observe rather than come right out and ask questions. Or maybe he just figures that you should offer up the information about yourself that you feel is important for him to know and remember.

Let’s say that dating progresses from casual dating to seeing each other on a regular. At what point is it appropriate to inquire as to the nature of this dating relationship? Is it once things become consistent and if so, consistent for how long? Do you wait until you’ve met each other’s friends? If either of you assumes or asks the “define this relationship” question too soon, you risk scaring the other person off but, wait too long and you just sit in limbo wondering.

I remember teachers telling me that the only stupid question is the one never asked. If you don’t have open and honest communication from the start (once you are past the new and awkward first few dates stage) then you can’t expect to form a healthy relationship. So, if you want to know something about someone, your relationship status for instance, ASK!

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