Can You Survive Bad Sexual Chemistry?

bad sexual chemistry

We’ve all been there: sitting around the table over cocktails and dishing to our friends about our latest dating interest or conquest. You go on and on about how perfect he or she is, how compatible you two are, how they meet everything on your imaginary “perfect person” checklist  (don’t laugh, we all have one)…and then the question comes up. One of your friends asks, “So how’s the sex?” You squirm in your seat because for some mysterious reason you and this “perfect” person are just horrible in the sack together. You’ve wondered if it’s you, if it’s him, if it was too many shots of tequila, but now you’re wondering: Is it possible that it’s just bad sexual chemistry?

Yes! I’ve had my share of men who stacked up great on paper, but just did not cut it between the sheets (or on the counter, or in the shower…you get my point). Sometimes we build up this checklist of things we are looking for in a person, but then we find them (or think we have) and the sex is not at all what you expected.

Now you are faced with this dilemma:  Do I keep dating this person who has every quality I’m looking for in a person or do I walk away? Can you survive bad sexual chemistry?

Honest answer: Hell No!

Listen, even if you’re not a dirty little horn ball like I am, sex is important in a relationship! In my honest opinion, it’s just as important as anything else you may put on this checklist of what your ideal partner will be  like. Money, looks, family life, religious beliefs, politics, education, personality, character, etc. That stuff is all well and good, but if the sex is terrible, nothing else matters.

Now I know I sound like a heartless bitch right now, but hear me out.

Let’s say you and Mr./Ms. Perfect-On-Paper decide to keep dating in spite of the dreadful sexual chemistry between you. Things progress into a full-blown relationship eventually because neither one of you wants to walk away based on bad sex alone. Time passes and you fall in love with this person. You may even have sex with each other every so often because, well, that’s what couples do and because this is your person. The sex never gets better, it’s not satisfying, but you still stick it out because you really care about this person. Months, maybe even years pass, and while your affection for this person grows, the sex is still just OK.

Now what?

Well, realistically no matter how you dress it up, unless you are two A-sexual people,  you do not have a happy relationship because a key component is missing. One of you, if not both of you, will realize this at some point. Hopefully you’ll have the balls to talk to the other person about it, but chances are if you’ve let this go on for years you don’t have the balls to talk about it. There’s a good chance one or both of you will cheat because you just need a good dirty lay and you’re not getting it at home. And even if no one cheats then eventually one of you will have the guts to walk away because of the bad sexual chemistry. Now you’ve spent a good chunk of time with someone who stacked up great on your perfect person list, but wasn’t the right fit sexually.

Bad sexual chemistry happens from time to time, but in my opinion and experience a relationship cannot survive in this situation no matter how good everything else is. I mean honestly, if you have everything but sex, aren’t you really just friends? Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship, and if all of the components aren’t falling into place, then it’s time to call it what it is and move on  my friends.

Life is far too short to live it having bad sex!


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  1. Forget sex for a moment, even kissing is important! I dated a bad kisser for far too long once. By the end when things were really unraveling, I’d pretend to be sick so he wouldn’t kiss me.

    • Oh Absolutely!!! Kissing is VERY important!! If you’re a bad kisser, I can’t even get past it. Kissing is sensual and erotic all on it’s own, but only if it’s done right and with someone who knows how to kiss rather than slobber all over you. Great point, thanks!!

  2. I agree. If the sex isn’t good then it will be a problem sooner or later. There is a chance that if someone is lacking in experience that they can grow into a fine lay. However, if it’s not someone willing to learn and improve, then your sex life is probably dead. Great post!

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