J: all I’m saying is that, some people might find that kind of perfection -boring, day after day, year after year M: see that’s what i thought at first..how can you like someone that perfect? no potential for long-range likability .but then she does have her few good traits.. J: such as? M: well we’ve got..when I hug her, even in public I don’t hafta let go right away, she lets me hold her — as long as I want –silence– M: what? J: nothing. M: oh yeah, you and that -icky love stuff- you always get like that when it gets sentimental J: I do not!: M: okay. J: well when we were..when you and I were..when we were M: -together. J: mm hmm..well..did I..when M: -yes J: yes what? M: yes you pulled away when I tried to hug you in public J: well..I’ve changed, I mean I’m not the girl that I once was M: really? J: mm hmm. M: any relationship over two weeks I should know about? J: this is not about longevity, this is about..being comfortable…with the yucky love stuff….and I am
Anyone who has seen the movie My Best Friend’s Wedding knows the above scene and quote: Best friends,Jules and Michael, are discussing Michael’s fiance Kimmy, as Jules tries to gauge when or how to tell Michael she loves him.
So why did I pick this scene and quote for this particular post? Well… because this Boston single girl has a ridiculously hard time with the, as Jules puts it, “yucky love stuff.”
I can write it down, I can show it (sort of) through my actions, I could explain it in poetry or a story, but… to actually say the words?! Uh uh, no way, not this girl! I freeze up, I panic, I look away, I change the subject…
And then there is the whole “should I say it now?” and “Is this the right time?” and “What if I say it first and he/she doesn’t say it back?” I just can’t handle the pressure!
What if things are really good? You know you care about each other, you are there for each other for the good and the bad, you support each other, you do everything in your power to ease any stress the other has and their happiness makes you happy; you tell each other things you don’t tell others, you trust each other, you have amazing intimacy and amazing sex. You talk about a future together and include each other in future plans.
Does it matter if you do or don’t say those three little words to each other?
If you show someone you love them through your every day actions, isn’t that what really matters? Why then, when we are dating or in a relationship, do we tend to become so consumed with the “L” word? Isn’t love supposed to be more than just a word?
Or maybe I’m just trying to rationalize my own relationship in this little questionnaire of mine. Maybe I’m trying to make excuses for why I know how I feel, but I can’t for the life of me bring myself to say the words to him. Not even now, when it’s been almost a year! I don’t feel that bad about it though, because he can’t bring himself to say it either. (We are so fucking similar it’s insane!) He says “I care about you” and he’ll tell me the things he loves about me; or I’ll say “you know your woman loves you when she does (insert whatever task… like cooking dinner after working all day)” or he’ll say “You know your man loves you when (insert whatever here).” But neither one of us has come right out and said the words, “I love you,” to each other. I’ve written them down though! (said in my best big girl, so -ha-ha voice, arms cross and everything)
So who’s right: me by saying love is more than just a word that you utter, or the movie quote in the photo above? If you love someone, do you shout it out right then and there before the moment passes you by? Or is it enough that you show a person how you feel every single day you are together, rather than throw words around?
I think that if you show someone every minute of every day that you are with them just exactly how much you care for them, if and when you do say those words, they will mean so much more because they will be genuine. Anyone can mutter the words “I love you, ” but how many people can say they truly mean them?
I say: actions speak louder than words!