Worst Online Dating Messages

worst online dating messages

Anyone who has ventured into the big, bad world of online dating has received their fair share of ridiculous, creepy, erotic and/or down right idiotic messages from the opposite sex. Since the majority of my messages come from men (yes, there have been the occasional messages from women), I feel I can speak for all of womankind when I say… WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?? Do you seriously have no filter? Were you dropped on your head? Or do you really think that coming at us with this pure nonsense is really going to help you get your dick wet?

I sometimes tweet messages I’ve received, purely for entertainment purposes because some of this shit is just hilarious. Now, not all of the messages are horrible. I do get a polite message now and again. Rarely do I get my favorite type of message– a message from a guy who not only has read my profile, but can actually use witty sarcasm, proper spelling and grammar to send me a fantastic message. Those are the ones I can’t resist, even if he’s just OK looking.
 
So I’ve decided to compile a  list of messages I get on a regular basis and share them with all of you. OK Here goes:
 
1st msg EVER from Jrobby82

I’d like to do a lot more to your butt than just grab it. You are very sexy.
 
2nd msg (after my replying thanks, but you live on the opposite side of the state)
Jrobby82

Well if I drive to you it shouldn’t matter how far away I am. I will drive to your place, then fuck the living daylights out of you.
Kabs25

11/22/2012 11:30:12 PM
Hi ,

I like your profile and the angelic smiles which sends vibes of smiles to any guy with a loving and sincere heart towards you.

Thanks for the smile. I would love to be friends first and chat then see what happens for you never know.

puddlerocket

11/24/2012 5:25:53 PM
Yes, yes of course I grabbed your butt. Now what excitement entails?
Jrobby82 (this guy wasn’t giving up)

11/25/2012 1:13:15 AM
Which part makes you uncomfortable, telling me where you live or fucking me?
Jrobby82

11/26/2012 12:51:18 PM
I’d like to put my tongue and lips all over that sexy body of yours. And of course your amazing ass.
sseanj83

12/8/2012 2:37:16 PM
hello 🙂 u are friggan gorgeous! i hope ur not shy cuz a cute nice italian guy would love to spoil u 🙂
Sparkie2012

12/8/2012 1:12:30 PM
Hi how are u?? I was wondering. Since u write can u help me write my. Profile if u can message me back thanks
dakid2210

12/8/2012 12:47:37 PM
damn ur sexy wassup
jamie2746

12/8/2012 9:26:33 PM
like hi
3lions918

12/8/2012 2:48:16 AM
Hey! I just read your profile and you seem pretty awesome and I think you’re gorgeous 🙂 Would you want to chat sometime (Skype, Google talk etc)? I can also text if you wanted (or we can just message back and forth on here, up to you!). Hope to hear from you soon!
heliflyerboy

11/26/2012 1:27:23 PM
ill try one more time…lol….im (name)…ill be close to (your city) tuesday and wednesday for work…id like to bring you to dinner….you name the place….you can even invite a friend or just bring a tazer….i prefer a friend lol.
augjay

12/8/2012 1:32:03 AM
Sup
Jrobby82 (still not giving up despite my never responding to him)

12/8/2012 12:46:01 AM
I don’t think you have any idea the fucking I would put on you. Not to mention the things my mouth would do to you.
bostonshyguy82

12/9/2012 12:33:55 AM
Looking for a nice set of legs to rap around my head with a sexy kitty i can taste and feel it purr as i lick it so softly every lick makes it drop more and more you legs start to quiver as i gently suck your clit in to my mouth gently sliding my fingers into your pussy feeling how wet you are tasting every drop
I like what i see but whats not to like

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30% Enemy65% Friend77% MatchMessage from therightonefyou
With this plethora of available winners at my disposal, I might just stay single forever!
~XOXO

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True stories of the good, the bad and the ugly of single life in Boston. Reality is far more interesting than fiction! You can find read the adventures here and on Singles Warehouse http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk Make sure to follow on Twitter

3 thoughts on “Worst Online Dating Messages

  1. HAHAHAH. This is absolutely hilarious. I love it. Guys are so weird. They’re too afraid to approach you in person, so they hop on a dating site and let their inhibitions go. So weird. Thanks for sharing

    -Dave

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