Fuck jolly, in my experience this is the season to be stressed! And boy, let me tell you, I have had my fair share of stress lately and then some!!
Why so stressed you ask? Well, between work, school, adult responsibilities and the holidays, my stress level was already beyond the max and then… enter “A”! This boy will be the death of be yet, I swear! If you remember, I mentioned “A” when I posted about soul mates a few weeks ago. There is no doubt in my mind that “A” and I are soul mates, I’m just not certain what type of soul mates we are. In any event, he took an on again off again leave of absence from my life for a few weeks because of a girl he was dating. She’s jealous of me and of our friendship so he had to sneak around to talk to me. (She’s also jealous of relationships he has with family. Yup, she’s a nut job!) “A” has some personal issues (addiction) that he’s been battling for years and she makes things worse, not better. He called me a couple weeks ago and asked if my offer to help him still stood, to which I replied “of course!” I may play the field and be emotionally unavailable when it comes to dating relationships, but when it comes to my friends, I ALWAYS have their backs no matter what! My closest friends and I have been friends for 20+ years and they are my family, not just my friends. Besides, here was one of my oldest friends, who happens to be an addict, reaching out and asking for my help. Um, yes, of course!
The first week of having “A” here was great! He’s such a huge help around the house and we have a good time together no matter what we are doing. We spent Friday night watching the movie Ted, eating pasta, baking cookies, laughing and talking. Then Saturday rolled around and that’s when things started to fall apart. His now ex-girlfriend was getting inside his head and pushing his buttons all week, and he was trying to hold it together and not give in to the temptation to use. But Saturday, left to his own devices while I was out, he went on a bender that lasted 6 days! He’d take off for 24 hours, then come back for a bit, then take off again. He was on a very destructive mission! This emotional roller coaster of not knowing where he was, if he was OK, if he was coming back or if he was alive was pure hell!!! Finally it seemed he had gotten it out of his system, he came back, I yelled and screamed, we both cried and then we hugged it out and talked. He went to a detox program for a couple days and then the day he got out, came home and asked me to go to a meeting with him and I did. Things seemed OK. Until the next night when he took off again!! The next day he was arrested and I was overcome with sadness and relief all at the same time. Finally, I could sleep knowing he was safe, if even for a little while.
While the turmoil that is life with an addict was happening, I was still seeing Mr. Sports Fan. *sigh* This man makes my head spin! He says we’re “just friends”, but then he acts like more. He is constantly asking, “What are we doing? What is this?” and I just avoid the question. One night I point blank asked him if he really wanted me to answer the question or if he was simply just talking out loud. He said he really wanted me to answer it. Fuck! OK, so, my answer… we’re having a good time. Well he wanted me to elaborate. GGRR!! So now I turn the tables on him and ask him what his answer to the question is. He refuses to answer. Apparently we are both stubborn, lol. As you can probably guess, this was a very long conversation. The outcome: he’s not OK with me being with anyone else, but we’re just friends. It is what it is and he thinks about me constantly and is very attracted to me, but this wasn’t his intention. (Whatever “this” means) If a day goes by without a text, call or email from me, he acts like a girl and calls me saying “Why are you mad at me?” Really?! That’s “just friends” ?
And that my friends is why I have been MIA for the past couple weeks. Here’s to hoping that as 2013 ushers in, it brings with it peace and tranquility. I sure as hell need it!