Sabotage Sunday

sabbotage

sabbotage

I’m seven weeks into dating Mr. G-Spot and it has been beyond fabulous. We have fun together, enjoy each other’s company and the sex is mind blowing (OK, light years beyond mind blowing to be honest). So what’s the problem, right? Me.

Now, I could just continue to go along for the ride, take it for what it’s worth and enjoy it. After all, where’s the harm in that? The harm is that I’ve been down this road before, with Jackass. I’ve  been down the “let’s just have fun and see where it goes” highway and it ended with me being blind sided by a mack truck and left wondering what the fuck just happened. So, why then, would I do that to myself again?

That’s just it. I think I’ve inadvertently put myself back on that road. I didn’t go looking for it. I was actually trying to take every detour to avoid it but, here I am traveling that same road again. Things are going so well with Mr G-Spot that I know it’s time to have the “define this relationship” talk, or at least a slim down version of it. Are we exclusive or not? If we’re not exclusively dating each other, is either of us sleeping with anyone else? Basically, I know a “let’s lay all the cards on the table” discussion is on the horizon. I’m just too chicken shit to be the one to bring it up. He has skirted around it a few times  by telling me that he pulled his online dating profile and joking about juggling his busy work schedule and time with me. Still, we’ve never had an actual conversation about the particulars of our dating relationship.

And I, rather than spark the conversation and figure this all out once and for all, have instead been avoiding it. Why? Well, popular opinion (and by that I mean from my own personal version of Dr. Phil as well as a few others) seem to believe that I am avoiding the conversation because I refuse to allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone and am not open to love. It’s also been said that I, because I have only pulled all but one online dating profile, am trying to keep the door open for excuses to run. Apparently I am also sabotaging any sort of real relationship with Mr G-Spot (or anyone else for that matter) by utilizing said profile to “meet” new people over the past week.

I have not dated anyone but Mr G-Spot in the past seven weeks. I pulled two of my three online dating profiles at the end of September, which was about 4 weeks into dating him (he pulled his after our second date). I have not even visited the site where my remaining profile lives. Until this past week that is. So what changed? Nothing. Boredom set in and I decided to find new friends to talk to and perhaps hang out with. I have chatted with a couple people, responded to emails that had piled up and exchanged my phone number with two men. I met one for a quick drink, nothing more and just as friends. We sent a few texts back and forth the next day and haven’t communicated since. I made plans to meet a second man, whom I’ve been communicating with for a few days, tonight to play pool. I see nothing wrong with making new friends, no matter their gender. So why then do I feel a slight twinge of guilt over doing so? My panel of personal Dr. Phil’s seem to think that this behavior is a result of my nerves over how great things are with Mr. G-Spot. They think I’m sabotaging things on purpose and that I’m playing with fire. Maybe they’re right.

So I have a choice to make: Burn cream and continue this chicken dance or grow a set and have the talk. Stay tuned!

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