We all know how the story goes: girl meets guy. Girl and guy date. Guy and girl fall in love. Girl or guy gets spooked/fucks up somehow and they split. Guy and girl realize they want to try again. Girl and guy are back in a relationship. This scene may play out a few more times and then girl and guy decide it’s been a few years and it’s time to get married.
OK so this whole love and marriage thing may have worked out for Carrie and Big, but does that mean that we all have to do it?
And how do we know if it really even worked for them/ I mean, the series went off the air after they got married. Even the second movie shows some marital discourse and they are still newlyweds. I wanna see Carrie and Big 5 or 10 years in!
So, why this little rant about marriage? Well, because I’ve been giving it a lot of thought lately; a lot of thought about whether this traditional practice still holds weight in such a non-traditional society.
Granted, maybe my opinion is a bit skewed because of my own personal experience, having been there done that with the whole marriage thing before, but I did it for a lot of the wrong reasons and very few right ones!
Lately, I’ve been thinking: On the yellow brick road of dating, is marriage really the only destination that’s waiting for us? Rather than the Emerald City , is Diamond Island the only place a single gal like Dorothy can end up in the dating world?
Mr. Sports Fan and I haven’t been together all that long in the grand scheme of things, but for two commitment phobes like us, it seems like a lifetime! We’ve talked about a future; factored each other in to some things in the short and long term future, talked about kids even. But while we were in Vegas in January, we had an in-depth conversation about marriage.
See, he says he’s not the marrying type, yet he wants all of the ‘perks’ of a marriage: the wife-like partner who performs all of the stereotypical 1950’s housewife duties while the man goes out and provides for the family; he wants kids, a house, a dog… the whole pretty (warped) picture. What he doesn’t want is that ring on his finger or piece of paper that legally binds him to another person. He says he doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage because he’s never seen it work out for anyone, and I can understand that. I know very few people who have stayed married and are happily married.
This brought about the question: Why can’t we just live together, keep doing what we’re doing and be happy? Why do we need to be married?
The answer is, we don’t. Sure I have pictured us growing old together and I can’t imagine my day to day life without him in it, but marriage? I’m not entirely sure I want to walk down that aisle again! Of course, like any woman, I like to go on Pinterest and check out rings, dresses, locations, unique proposals… but deep down all I really want is a ring, a dress and a party. I don’t want a marriage. Everyone I’ve ever seen in a happy relationship who decided to take the plunge and get married, they were miserable. It’s like that piece of paper saying you legally belong to the other person is a death sentence for the relationship.
People lead all sorts of ‘alternative lifestyles’ these days and it’s acceptable. Why isn’t there an acceptable alternative to marriage? Why is it that when a couple lives together, they are ‘living in sin’? Or people continuously ask when they’re going to tie the knot? Why can’t we just live our lives the way we see fit and make our own rules for our own relationships without society telling us we should be doing more?
Now, I understand that there are certain legal perks that come with marriage. For instance, if one of you is sick or hospitalized then you have no legal rights to see your partner or be given medical information unless you are married or in a domestic partnership. Things such as real estate, and matters of estate planning hold more ground if the couple is married than if they are unmarried. But are these reasons enough of a reason to put a ring on it?
I’m not against marriage, but I’m not entirely for it either. I just don’t think it should be the only option. If you are in a committed relationship with someone, you’re happy and content, why change things?
If living together forever in blissful sin is a bad thing, then I don’t want to be right.