A Guy’s Perspective on Blowjobs: How to Give and How to Receive!

 Fellow dating blogger Kevin Alexander and I were chatting via email about various dating topics recently. Of course, when you put two sexy, single dating bloggers together, even in cyber space, the conversation is bound to get steamy.  In the midst of our tantalizing conversation, I used my female powers of seduction to persuade young Kevin into writing this guest post about a topic I’ve discussed here before—blowjobs.
Of all the things I’ve been asked as a dating coach by women, it most certainly has not been for an exposé  on the male perspective regarding blowjobs.  We like them.  Like, a lot.  What else is there to be said?  It’s like pizza; cheap, leftover, cold, warm, hot, expensive, we’ll take it.  That being said, in thinking it through, I definitely came up with a few key pointers for women to go about giving better head, as well as for men to go about receiving head in a better way (thus awakening her into giving even better head).  Yes, gentlemen, how you behave has a large influence on the kind of woman you have in front of you.
Immediately, our dear single girl d’Boston’s ears were on fire, and her curiosity piqued – there’s a way to receive head?  She was looking for some ideas or some ways for women to go about giving the best head, or mind blowing blow jobs as she likes to put it, but there’s a way for guys to enhance the experience?  Tell me more, she said.
blowjobs

Two Ways to Better Head – For Him & For Her

 First, let’s cover two ways a woman can give mind blowing blowjobs:
I’m not a girl, so I don’t know what a girl does exactly to give good head, but what I will say from times I’ve gotten great head is very similar to how I go down on a girl, and that relates to two very important things:
Enthusiasm
I love women.  A lot of guys love having sex with women, but they don’t actually love women.  Big difference.  I love the way a woman feels in my mouth, I love the way she tastes, I love her fragrance, I love spending as much time down there as necessary to tease and to please.
If ever I’ve come across a woman who doesn’t “like” giving head, or is quite bad at giving head, the first thing it comes down to is a lack of enthusiasm.  She could be doing it to be transactional (you give me head, I’ll give you head), which isn’t fun for anybody.  Or out of some sense of obligation, which is also weird.  Typically, as a woman gets better at it, she will naturally begin to feel more enthusiastic about it, which takes me to the next point…
Knowledgegiving blowjobs
I’ve done my research, I continue to do research, and I’ve practiced while asking lots of questions.  At this point in my life, a girl’s reaction starts off with, “O-o-ohh, my, g-o-o-o-oddddd, how, huh!  huh!  huh! can you do that!!!” and then she’s on the ceiling and cumming shortly there after with full body shuttering.  The only time I ever ask if she finished or if it was good for her is to joke around and pretend that I’m one of those retarded guys who doesn’t know what it feels like to have a woman convulsing uncontrollably under the weight of his tongue, finger, cock, or just flat out masculine presence.
Honestly, a vagina is only as complicated as a guy wants to make it out to be, and purely through his own ignorance and lack of knowledge of vaginas.  Have I taken the time to look at diagrams?  Yes.  Is that weird or embarrassing?  I don’t know – why don’t you ask the girls I’ve gone down on?  Hah.  But the same goes with a penis, and women who lack knowledge of a penis, really have no idea what to do with one and it shows.  Unfortunately, I’ve had girls stroking me in a way that misses every bundle of nerve endings, with an arrogant look on their face saying, “What?  It’s a penis, it’s not complicated.”  Yeah?  Then how come you’re missing the proverbial equivalent of the clit in nerve endings?  There is a degree of knowledge to a penis that is necessary, and without such knowledge a woman will feel insecure giving head, and subsequently the enthusiasm level will wane.
What are we left with?  A woman who doesn’t give mind blowing blow jobs, because she lacks knowledge of a cock and therefore lacks enthusiasm to have one in her hands, and in her mouth.  It never comes down to technique, or a set of techniques.  Are you kidding?  It comes down to knowledge, enthusiasm, and a sense of humour to fail.  Let’s say I’ve been with a girl for 2 years, we break up, and I’m back out on the prowl, and end up meeting my next girlfriend.  It comes the first time to going down on her, and lo-and-behold, her spot is 1mm to the right of my ex, and .5mm north of my ex, and she doesn’t like her clit sucked on and rolled around like my ex, but rather forcefully licked in steady strides.  See?  The technique that’s required changes per person, but the constant will always be my enthusiasm and my knowledge of [generally speaking] where all the lady parts are and what nerve endings are associated with it.
blowjobsNow, the question of the hour—guys can learn how to receive head?  Of course.  I did, and I will never look back.  In fact, I teach as many guys who work with me as I can, because the proper way to receive head just makes it far more enjoyable for both parties.  Especially, if she’s a little unsure of herself.  First and foremost, is to engage her in the act as a team player.  We’re not to just lay there, motionless, with the occasional moan.  Instead, look in her eyes, talk with her about how beautiful she looks doing it, how good it feels, and most importantly if something isn’t quite right for you, to let her know.
 “Oh, that feels good, but you know what would feel better is if you licked up the back of my cock, yeah, just like that, oh that feels amazing!”
See that?  That’s called the constructive criticism sandwich:
  1. Compliment
  2. Criticism
  3. Compliment
It works wonders, especially when you have a woman with your cock in her mouth, AND you’d like her to alter her approach a bit to better serve your current needs and desires.  Continue to find out more about her.  Some women like their hair pulled, some women like their face fucked, other women don’t want to be touched, at all.  There is no right, there is no wrong, there just is, and whatever is must be embraced with her.  That being said, some women love to swallow, other women aren’t so hot on it, some women don’t mind surprises, other women who perfectly well love swallowing HATE surprises.  So check with her if you’re getting close.  A simple, “Babe, I’m getting close, let me know what you’d like me to do.” will suffice.  She’ll stop, stroke you, look in your eyes, and tell you what she wants.  And then.  Be a good respectful gentleman, and give the good lady exactly what she wants.
Fuck, I love my job.
I can’t wait to hear how this works out for you.  Let me know, if you like, by shooting me an email at niceguydatingcoach@gmail.com; I read all emails and try my best to respond.
Kevin Alexander is a no-bullshit dating expert and coach based in Edmonton, Canada. He works mostly with professional shy nice guys who are tired of being shy and tired of being everyone’s doormat, so they can take control of their dating lives. He is the founder of Nice Guy Dating, which features products, services, and a blog entailing dating details from his own life and from the lives of others. Find him at niceguydatingcoach.com, email at niceguydatingcoach@gmail.com, and follow him at @niceguydating.

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5 thoughts on “A Guy’s Perspective on Blowjobs: How to Give and How to Receive!

  1. Sex is so important in a relationship! Oral sex takes it one step further making physical intimacy that much better. I like what you said about giving and receiving feedback about how it’s going and what you like and don’t like. That is so important! Good sex is all about communication and sharing. Just explore and have fun (oh ya and cleanliness is SOOOO important!). Great advice!

  2. This was definitely an interesting and insightful read! I have to say that since my current man REALLY lets me know how much he enjoys my BJs, I enjoy giving them WAY more, so you’re definitely on to something here!