OK class, school is in session and Boston Single Girl is your sexy Professor of all things dating! Now, take a seat, grab a pen and listen closely ladies. Today’s lesson: dating advice for teen girls.
Now before you more mature readers shake your heads at me and wag your fingers at the thought of moi giving dating advice to young girls, don’t get your panties in a bunch. You, yourself, were once a young teenage girl trying to navigate the complicated waters of dating life before you became the sophisticated beacon of wisdom you are now. So why not share our wisdom with our young(er) comrades in arms?
I was inspired to write this post after listening to a group of young ladies, about 17 years old, talk about boys and dating as they munched away on their Panera salads last weekend. From my booth just across from them, their conversation went something like this:
Girl 1: “All he does is play hockey! That’s it!”
Girl 2: “But what does he do during his free time?”
Girl 1: “He rests before or after hockey.”
Girl 3: “Yeah, but what does he do for fun when he’s not playing hockey?”
Girl 1: “He’s never ‘not playing hockey’, that’s the problem! He’s so obsessed with getting into a good school on a hockey scholarship that he spends all of his time either in school or playing hockey or resting because of hockey!”
Girl 2 and 3: “He needs to get his priorities straight!”
Girl 1: “But I’m afraid if I say something he’ll take it the wrong way and think I want him to spend free time with his friends.”
Ladies, ladies, ladies… this is a young man who seems to absolutely have his priorities straight! He has his sights set on his future and that is absolutely important unless you want to be with a loser who has a dead end job and still lives at home with Mommy when he’s 30. I mean, hey, if that’s what you’re into so be it. But one day you’ll want a man and not a wanna-be frat boy whose life revolves around keg parties and passing out in his childhood bedroom after you drive him home because his job at CVS doesn’t pay him enough to afford his own car.
If your high school boyfriend, or the boy you are dating, is focused on his education and his future, don’t play the needy girl card and whine about him not paying enough attention to you. Driven people will always be driven, whether they are 16 or 46, so you best learn how to deal with not being the center of a man’s attention now and get a life of your own. Instead, offer to help him look at colleges, ask if you can attend a practice a week and then go out for pizza (or something else you both like) after. If his schedule is so crammed with his future-bound to-do list, then be flexible, communicate with him and attempt to find a little bit of time that the two of you can share. Worst case scenario, he’s not into compromise and won’t work with you, in which case… move on baby! While his goals and future are important, so is your time and you don’t want to waste it on someone who only wants to say he’s with you, but doesn’t actually want to be with you.
Having asked teenage boys what you girls do that drive them nuts, I’ve compiled a list of dating do’s and don’ts for you:
Clingy is not sexy!
Texting him all day and night, sending him a dozen snap chats an hour, constantly hanging around and not having your own interests/friends/life; girls, acting like a clingy, needy, and desperate little girl is not a turn on and it will make him dump you, not date you!
Insecurity is a Turn Off!
We’ve all asked a guy, “Do i look fat in this?” But don’t over do it, and honestly ladies none of us should ever ask this question to any guy no matter how old you are, especially if you don’t want an honest answer! I know the teen years are awkward and young girls (hell, even grown ass women) have insecurities about their looks, but a guy isn’t going to stop that from happening. You need to be comfortable in your own skin and happy with who you are on the inside and out. You’re beautiful baby!
Another way we women show our insecurities: stalking him on social media outlets so we can “catch him” doing something wrong. Sigh. I know grown women in their 30’s and 40’s who still do this. Ladies, please, all of human kind is begging you to stop doing this! Just because he likes some girls Facebook status, or retweets something funny from a female on Twitter does not mean he’s fucking her! It doesn’t even mean he wants to fuck her. If you have absolutely no trust and are so incredibly insecure that you have to stalk your boys social media accounts to ‘catch him” well you’re just a trouble maker. You are creating trouble where it may not even exist. Have a little self control women and just stop all of this nonsense!
Those Three Words…
I love you. These three little words are thrown around so freely these days that they really have lost their meaning. Saying, “I love you” has become as casual a phrase as saying, “pass the salt.” My biggest piece of dating advice for teen girls, and all of women-kind really, please stop throwing these words around. You don’t love someone after 3 days. You certainly don’t love someone after 6 hours! Please do not start filling your friend’s Facebook and Twitter time lines with ‘I love my bf sooooo much!! XOXO baby’ after a couple of days of dating. Fuck, I don’t even like reading this shit from my married friends! Save the words of affection for when you really know, for when you are in a committed, long-term relationship.. you know, something longer than a week might be nice.