Bad Sexual Chemistry or Just Bad Sex?

Jul 08, 2013 12 Comments by

bad sex

We’ve all been there: you’re dating someone, you’re into each other, attracted to each other and one night you take it all the way. Afterwards you lay there wondering if you even had an orgasm or if it’s just tequila that’s making your legs wobble and your head spin.

Ladies, sometimes it’s  just the tequila. Sometimes the sex is just bad.

So how do you know if this one night with Mr. Perfect-for-Right-Now is just bad sexual chemistry or bad sex? Do you really have to subject yourself to trying it again before you really know for sure?

I’ve had my fair share of bad sex. I’ve had men who couldn’t find the G-spot with a map, compass and a fuckin’ tour guide! I’ve had other men who thought their oral skills, both up above and down below, were the stuff legends are made of and then treated my clit like a damn chew toy!

Then there is the age old question, “Does size really matter,” and I never thought it did until I had sex with a man whose penis was so small that, even when it was fully erect, it was smaller than the palm of my hand! (FYI I’m a very petite woman with tiny hands, so just imagine for a moment what I was working with!)

But what about when everything else falls into place? What if you are both physically and mentally attracted to each other, the make out sessions make you see fireworks, but when it comes to the finale… you just don’t click in the sack?

Sadly, I’ve had this happen before as well, most recently with Mr. DJ. We clicked everywhere except the bedroom, and trust me, I tried to click with him in the shower, kitchen, and living room too, to no avail. we just didn’t have the sexual spark between us. Were were too different when it came to sexual desires.

I’ve also had some absolutely, earth shattering, mind-blowing sex in my lifetime as well. Mr. Navy Man comes to mind and of course, my current steady man, Mr. Sports Fan. Maybe it’s because they are both military men… maybe it’s because they are both uninhibited sexual deviants… either way, the sex was (and is) beyond hot!

Which leads me back to my original question: if you connect in every department except for sex, how do you know if it’s just bad sexual chemistry or if it’s just bad sex?

bad sex

In my opinion, unless you are both sloppy drunk and falling all over each other, if the sex was bad then the answer to my question is: BOTH! If you have nothing else to blame, no alcohol, he wasn’t trying to stick it in your ear, no stressful situation like the car started rolling away while you were fucking in it, and everything was otherwise on the up and up, you have to face reality. You had bad sex because you  have absolutely no sexual chemistry between you.

So what do you do when Mr. Perfect-For-Right-Now comes along and he just doesn’t blow your skirt up in the bedroom? Well, that’s up to you. You have to ask yourself this: How important is sex in a relationship? As someone who was in a sexless marriage I can tell you, it’s pretty fuckin’ important! When you are in a relationship with someone, or even if you’re just trying them on for size, if the sex sucks then the relationship will suffer and suck too.

Here’s to great sex for all!

~XOXO

bostonatingapp

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chemistry, men, sex

About the author

True stories of the good, the bad and the ugly of single life in Boston. Reality is far more interesting than fiction! You can find read the adventures here and on Singles Warehouse http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk Make sure to follow on Twitter

12 Responses to “Bad Sexual Chemistry or Just Bad Sex?”

  1. Daniel says:

    Omg!!! Thank you so much for this post!!! Just knowing that I’m not alone in this. I’m going to meet up with an ex I’m so drawn to, emotionally and all but we’ve had only several times sec and it wasn’t good. Really. At all.
    I soooooo want him and we so click on so many levels but I’m so dreading the “meh” disappointing possible sex that might come! HELP!!!
    I think what’s a huge indication for me is HOW GOOD A KISSER is he!!! That could be the gateway to an amazing sex. If not at least decent. And the last time we kissed it was…. Ok.
    Also, can you really teach him everything?!! If he doesn’t have the knack to it, he can try and try again but without his own natural flare and instinct it can all be a little mediocre!

    I’m so excited to meet him, I’m just going to have to pray that this booty call will be insanely better than previous times!

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  5. Cindi says:

    If I have chemistry with someone in general, I will stick it out for a while if we don’t have the sexual chemistry. My hope is that we can get more comfortable with each other and figure out what gets us both going. However, if the sexual chemistry doesn’t arise, then it’s a dealbreaker.

    It’s obviously better if you have that spark from the beginning, but I’ve also found that sometimes a spark in the beginning can dwindle fast.

    • Boston Single Girl says:

      I totally agree Cindi, that a spark at the start can fizzle out fast. I really tried with Mr. DJ and tried to help him step outside his comfort zone just a little (like hey, how about I get on top?) But he would have no part of it! It was missionary, in bed and that’s it. I’m a very sexual person, I need more than that. He even had a problem with me walking around my own empty house naked! He was someone who just wasn’t comfortable with sexuality/sex in general, so… NEXT!

  6. Tinzley Bradford says:

    I always feel when a relationship is going well and he treats you nice, the sex will be good just because there’s a real connection. Booty call days for me are over so if it’s not genuine, then the chemistry probably won’t be there. I’m not here to just give up the cookie! Nice post!

    • Boston Single Girl says:

      Yes, I agree that chemistry is necessary, but I’ve been in relationships with guys who were nice and good to me and the sex was still just eh. It wasn’t good, wasn’t bad, it was just eh. I’ve also been exclusive with guys who chemistry was there when we were making out, they were gentlemen and opened doors and all that, nice to me, but the sex was just horrible!

  7. Marrie says:

    You can’t force chemistry! You can have chemistry but have 1 or 2 bad sex moments but you can never have great sex with someone you don’t chemistry. As for sexless relationships; like you, I have been there and done that! Never again! Sex On 🙂

    • Boston Single Girl says:

      Thanks for the comment 🙂 Yes, Sex On! and On! and fuckin on! LOL I agree that mind blowing, earth shattering sex and chemistry go hand in hand (or penis in…) The best sex I’ve ever had (and currently having) is with people I had amazing chemistry with. I’ve had mild chemistry (like Mr DJ) and just OK sex (he was SO Vanilla!), but it wasn’t the satisfying experiences I was looking for.

  8. Single Dating Diva says:

    Eek good question! You raise some good points. I guess it depends how important sex is to you. You can teach him a trick or two but some people just have no interest in learning. I would say if you give him a chance and try to improve his skills and he still sucks or is unwilling to learn then kick him to the curb. Sex is an important part of the equation!!

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